Fierce Love

Mother's Day - 2013

Mother's Day is celebrated in two different ways.  The one way that I'm most used to celebrating is how I've spent the last 35 years doing:  honouring MY mom!    That will never change.  I love my mom and am so grateful for each way she shows her love to me, her child.  She loves each one of her children so dearly, that much is clear!  So whether it is shown through her words, prayers and encouragement, or her desire that we zip up our jacket and for sure that we cover our ears when it's cold out...it's all done in love.  And we love her so dearly!

Then, the newer type of celebrating Mother's Day began 7 years ago, when I first became a mom.
My thoughts and feelings about Mother's Day this year are a little bit different than other years.  There are several reasons....mostly stemming from the intense time of 'mothering' I am in right now.

If there is one thing that has been going through my mind the last few days, it is this:

Being a mom hurts.

Now before you jump to conclusions or opinions, hear me out.

This love, the love that a mom inherently acquires the moment she becomes a mom, and the love that continues to grow exponentially through each 'mothering moment'.....this love becomes fierce.

Fierce love.

And anytime you allow yourself to love so fully, you open up and expose your own heart to the hurt that can come along with it.

In my moments, I have been hurting for the pain Nate has been in.  For every confusing moment, every out-of-his-control moment, every physically painful moment.

This fierce mothering love desires.... yes, longs to take any pain and hurt from your child.  And when we can't - it hurts.

And when you become one of the only people your child reveals their inner turmoil and anger to....that's when this fierce love needs to be the strongest.  In many ways, I'm so thankful that Nate is able to express his 5 year old emotions to me, in his own way....even if it isn't positive.  He needs his voice to be heard in all of this.  And for now, he needs to feel safe, protected and loved.

And in the moments where he can forget about all the yuckiness of the last while;  when he shows the little parts of Nate that we know - the laughter, the twinkling eyes, the silly and goofy little boy who hums The Imperial March while building Lego....in those moments, this momma's heart breathes a sweet breath, and thanks Jesus for the gift of being able to love.

To love.  Fiercely.